Mama guilt...

Has set in big time.  2 weeks ago today we found out that Aidan wasn't gaining weight the way he should be.  He had only gained 6 ounces in 3+ weeks.  It was determined that my "mommy milk" didn't have enough calories in it for him.  He was started on formula.  In my head, I know that all that matters is that he's happy and healthy.  In my heart, I was really hoping to go 12+ months nursing.  As much as I told myself I would be happy with how ever long I got to breast feed, secretly, I was hoping it was going to be a long term thing.  I loved the one on one time, I loved the bonding, I just loved it in general (once we got past the ridiculous pain part).  Truth be told...I still get one on one time (tons of it, given Nick's schedule), I still get to bond with him over his meals (just in the form of a bottle now), and I'm kinda relieved by the fact that we no longer have to worry about having enough mommy milk pumped/stored to be able to be out and about for an entire day.  I don't have to think ahead and wonder where I can nurse, or if I have enough mommy milk to sustain him through out a day.  Sadly, I am almost completely dried up now.  I can no longer get anything by pumping.  I do still nurse Aidan at night, and I think he gets some mommy milk during that time, but I'm not really sure how much, or if he's just nursing as a comfort thing.  In the next couple days I'm going to pack away my pump and 2oz bottles, saving them for our next little miracle.  And for now, I'm just going to enjoy the time and bond that I have with my beautiful son.  On Monday I took him to his pediatricians office to get weighed, just to find out how much he had gained since starting on formula...in 11 days he gained a pound and a half.  He went from 13 pounds to 14.5 pounds.  He had dropped from the 75th percentile to the 25th before this...now he's back up to the 75th percentile.  I couldn't be happier!!  In just a couple short weeks, he will start on some solids!  I can't believe how fast he's growing.  He's working on his two front bottom teeth already!  Nick and I are truly blessed to have this amazing little man in our lives!!

Here's a couple of his 3 month pictures <3